Hey, I'm Steph/Stephanie/Freckles, whatever you prefer.

I post different types of things, including fandom, food, funny, and other interesting stuff.

I'm also a vocalist with a YouTube, if you want to check that out, though there's not much so far. Here's my channel.
www.youtube.com/user/
redflorence19

So what do I do?

A few nights ago, I fell asleep wondering to myself, why don’t people like me as much as they like certain other people?

It’s pathetic… It’s absolutely pathetic. I felt like such a twelve year old for thinking about that, like I did last night as I cried my eyes out because I didn’t feel nearly wanted and loved enough.

You see, I want people to like me as if I want to wake up and run to the presents under the tree on Christmas. I want to wake up, go pick up the boxes I’ve been staring at and longing for, rip off the cover that’s been keeping me from getting to what my heart most desires, and hold in front of me, what I’ve always wanted: Several good friends who really like me for who I am, want to spend time with me, and maybe even care so much that they ask me how I’m feeling.
Now, I have a couple friends like this. And I appreciate them with everything in me, like nobody’s business. I’ve received these Christmas presents before. But like so many covetous 12 year olds, I just… Want… More.

I want all the friends like that that I can get in my lifetime. And the thing is, I’m so covetous for these treasured types of friends that it hurts… It keeps me up all night, wondering, why don’t they like me as much as they like her? Why can’t I make friends and hit it off with people like they can? Why doesn’t anyone see how much this hurts me?

Because you don’t tell them, Stephanie, you build yourself a box made of fear and it’s so tough that you can’t get out and none of the good in your life can get in to reach you.

Your little house of fear in a garden of insecurity that’s fenced in with the classic, white Pickett anxiety. You live there alone, and now you don’t know how to get out. Good going.

But when did I get here? It seems like, one day, I woke up to look around and find myself here. What happened? How did I get here?

I don’t care when it started, where it all came from, or how it trapped me, I’m just SO done with it.

I’m done with being pathetic, looking at groups of friends bonding and being jealous, trying to fit in and failing, all the time.

I want someone to see me and pull me out of this, but that would mean that I would have to be vulnerable in front of them and they’d have to see me as I really am, which (you know, as most of the time) will result in them hating what they see and BAM, more shingles on my little fear house.

This is my weakness. This is what I fight and this is how pathetic I am in the battle. This is me, losing.

And this is me talking about it and getting it off my chest, then making it public and being terrified of anyone seeing it, yet also hoping that someone will and will care enough to figure out how to save me.

This is my fight. So what do I do?

Posted
1 day ago

So what do I do?

A few nights ago, I fell asleep wondering to myself, why don’t people like me as much as they like certain other people?

It’s pathetic… It’s absolutely pathetic. I felt like such a twelve year old for thinking about that, like I did last night as I cried my eyes out because I didn’t feel nearly wanted and loved enough.

You see, I want people to like me as if I want to wake up and run to the presents under the tree on Christmas. I want to wake up, go pick up the boxes I’ve been staring at and longing for, rip off the cover that’s been keeping me from getting to what my heart most desires, and hold in front of me, what I’ve always wanted: Several good friends who really like me for who I am, want to spend time with me, and maybe even care so much that they ask me how I’m feeling.
Now, I have a couple friends like this. And I appreciate them with everything in me, like nobody’s business. I’ve received these Christmas presents before. But like so many covetous 12 year olds, I just… Want… More.

I want all the friends like that that I can get in my lifetime. And the thing is, I’m so covetous for these treasured types of friends that it hurts… It keeps me up all night, wondering, why don’t they like me as much as they like her? Why can’t I make friends and hit it off with people like they can? Why doesn’t anyone see how much this hurts me?

- Because you don’t tell them, Stephanie, you build yourself a box made of fear and it’s so tough that you can’t get out and none of the good in your life can get in to reach you.

Your little house of fear in a garden of insecurity that’s fenced in with the classic, white Pickett anxiety. You live there alone, and now you don’t know how to get out. Good going. -

But when did I get here? It seems like, one day, I woke up to look around and I found myself here. What happened? How?

I don’t care when it started, where it all came from, or how it trapped me, I’m just SO done with it.

I’m done with being pathetic, looking at groups of friends bonding and being jealous, trying to fit in and failing, all the time.

I want someone to see me and pull me out of this, but that would mean that I would have to be vulnerable in front of them and they’d have to see me as I really am, which will result in them hating what they see and BAM, more shingles on my little fear house.

This is my weakness. This is what I fight and this is how pathetic I am in the battle. This is me, losing.

And this is me talking about it and getting it off my chest, feeling a little better, then making it public and being terrified of anyone seeing it, yet also hoping that someone will see and will care enough to figure out how to save me.

This is my fight. So what do I do?

Posted
1 day ago
When you order a sandwich and they forget half the toppings

When you order a sandwich and they forget half the toppings

Posted
1 week ago

[panics but not in a disco sort of way]

(Source: flamingno, via justpeacheyy)

Notes
85705
Posted
2 weeks ago
This is why my brother hates me and I have no friends.

This is why my brother hates me and I have no friends.

Posted
2 weeks ago

"YOU WANNA GO??"
“LET’S GO”
“WHERE YOU WANNA GO??”
“I don’t know like Taco Bell or something, I’m feeling Mexican”

Posted
2 weeks ago
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